A friend called to talk and ask for my comments regarding a matter. After the conversation, I talked to God and asked Him why He always made it so easy for people to seek spiritual support from me yet the converse seemed unexistant.

The Lord only said 2 reasons. One, the conversation happen because He wanted my friend and I to talk and He did not want to send my friend to somewhere without knowing who would be behind to support. Two, He said He loves me.

I was unhappy that the first explanation towards my friend was so long but the second for myself was merely a few words. I got the first reason, I mean I have always understood the first reason. This is not the first time such things occur. But I didn't understand why certain things had to be done by me when I'm inadequate and frankly it takes so much to put down my personal judgments and inhibitions to do those things He asks of me to do. Sometimes it seemed like suffering, and sometimes I (foolishly) doubted if they was favourtism between the two of us.

Then the Lord spoke again. "Dear, do you not think that I can send better people with greater wisdom to help the same friend, that the same call could have been made to someone else who could speak better or do a better job in your terms? I wanted it to be you. To cause your name to appear, to let your friend know that you are and you can."

I had been unhappy all these while that God tends to send me to people rather than send people to me, as if God didn't love me as much. I was so unhappy to go to places or people I didn't want to go to. This incident reiterated the point that God loves me and He thinks of me. He could have appointed someone else to assist the friend, but He intentionally brought this issue to pass, because to first send me He had to first think of me and remember me by name.

Then when I recalled the two reasons He mentioned to me, it made so much sense. One to show that He loves my friend, one to show that He loves me. I resolved the issue internally, knowing that He loves me just as much, and the things He does goes to prove He does consider me.

(I wonder how many understand what I'm trying to say)

To side-track, the week ahead is scary. I catch myself being irritated easily, and with the work piled up the selfish worm in me acts up. I'm living each day at a time, worrying and stressing myself out. Of course, I'll still continue to pray and draw strength from the Lord, and Heavenly Father you know my thoughts even before I speak them out or post them on world wide web. I pray that You'll strengthen me as I cast my anxieties on You, and Father Lord, stay by my side.